Tight in Turn 2: A Dour Look At The Awards Banquet

This is another segment of Tight in Turn 2 where Charlie Turner (Of On Pit Row) and I exchange banter about various subjects.

This week, the NASCAR Sprint Cup Awards Banquet in New York is what's on my mind:


Well, the 2008 season is over.

History has been made and matched. Television delivered and yet at the same time, ticked us off on occasion. Drivers have switched teams and some have been screwed by the new rules for the first demo race of the year. Meanwhile others have been screwed by the new testing rules. Running the show is Brian France, and yet fans don't think he's qualified. It seems at any one time, not all of the people will be happy all of the time.

Case in point: The NASCAR awards banquet. I cringe at the thought of the event.

The annual awards banquet brings us the hi points of the year and presents awards to the top drivers in each of their categories as well as some other features. It's treated as the gala event of the year for the sport.

But.

For me, it is the longest 10 hours of my life. No, it's not 10 hours long... it just feels that way. In fact I no longer watch it live. I record it and watch it later.

What I don't get is that NASCAR, with their mucho denero resources, has access to the best and the brightest of the entertainment world and yet they don't seem to hit their mark.

Entertainment wise, they fall short every single year... in my humble, dis-stressed opinion. Are they pinching pennies when in fact they should be spending them?

The issues I experience are the following:

The Writing:
Whether it's the emcee or the host, the narratives fall short. Granted, the emcee's are usually sports reporters and not entertainers so I give them that. Though it wouldn't hurt to send them to a quick impromptu acting course to generate some real "genuine" emotional delivery when they actually deliver an old, just out of elementary school type joke that someone, somewhere thinks is "funny". It's not. And if it could be, it's killed by the monotone delivery of the line.

Host
The host is usually a known brand name. Last year it was Jay Mohr.

Jay Mohr has a funny, dry sense of wit and timing. Yet it's obvious that the material he's given just isn't up to par, and from what I can tell, he had restrictions on the ad lib opportunities, because who I saw on stage was not the Jay I know. Either that, or the material is so far off from funny that even Jay can't save it.

Speaking of Restrictions
OK, when the drivers come up to chat on stage, I cringe for them. I know this is a big moment but when they get up there, they are so rehearsed that it looks pretty uncomfortable. I'd rather see Tony Stewart's ease of chat or the "old" Jimmy Spencer type deliveries that come off the cuff.

I'd love to see them be themselves.

Announcer
The background announcer who presents the information for each upcoming award needs to be... something different. It's monoton-ish while whoever it is tries to deliver feeling in some way that comes out as failed emotional implications. It hurts to listen to her and I'd like to hear a different, more soothing voice. Not the roller derby queen sounding voice they have had in the past.

Entertainment
Awesome. NASCAR gets some name brand entertainment on stage. I wish the bands would have more runs at playing their tunes across the night. It would dispel the emotional pain that develops unabated throughout the show.

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I break it down to what NASCAR is willing to pay for and I wish they would bust into their profit margins just a little bit more and give us something worth looking forward to that is also entertaining. They need to edit the show.

To be blunt: The awards show does not need to be as long as the usual length that a race runs. The Academy Awards takes the incredibly boring parts and does separate award presentations for things like the scientific awards of excellence and what not because people really don't care who made the special effect... or how. The audience just wants to see Hollywood while it spins around kissing it's own... well, you get the point. They don't want to be bored.

That's my take on the whole thing and like every year, I hope they kick it up just one more notch so I can almost enjoy the show. At least more than the year before.

Even though they're paid the big bucks for winning the Championship, I feel for the Lowe's team members and wives that have to sit up there on stage all night. I cannot imagine being in plain view of the world, in proper attire, in proper posture for such a long period of time all the while trying to look interested. Wow... that's worthy of some kind of hazard pay.

With that being said, I asked Charlie Turner of On Pit Row his take on the show:

Charlie?:

Bruce I guess it just depends on what you expect.

NASCAR is great - though plenty will argue with this too - at putting on a show at the race track. Better than anyone else in the business, in my opinion, anyway.

But there are two things they've proven that they can't do well at all.

One is make a credible movie about stock car racing. Talladega Nights wasn't even a good Will Farrell movie - how do you screw that formula up? And two, they can't duplicate the Academy Awards. Damned if I know why they even try.

So, around ON PIT ROW-land, we just go with it. We'll do a live blog and act like we're doing Mystery Science Theater. We'll make fun of the thing and have a blast. It actually makes the two hours or so pass by pretty fast.

My only fear now is that they'll hire someone who knows how to make one of these things work, and it will actually be good. Then what?

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Charlie inquires over on his site: Is NASCAR competitive enough for you? Check out his take and my two cents!